


Last Christmas

by t_dragon



Series: T's 2018 Fanfic Advent Calendar [8]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Past Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 13:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16913604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Last Christmas, Minseok gave his heart away only to have it broken. This year he was supposed to give it someone special - but what if that someone is the same person that broke it the year before?





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY BUT THIS SONG IS LEGENDARY AND XIUHAN LENDS ITSELF TO THIS KIND OF ANGST SO WELL! This ties into the parents!BaekYeol AU that's sorta become a lowkey theme of this little project... And kinda with the previous XiuHan fic, the scarf one, if you want it to...

 Minseok did not like walking around on the streets of the city during December. He did not think anybody actually liked the Christmas rush, the stress of getting all of your presents and all that, but that was not Minseok’s biggest reason for disliking being out and about.

 No, it was all of the  _ couples _ , wandering around, talking, laughing, holding hands or with hooked arms, somehow managing to walk in their own little bubbles of happiness amidst the stress, looking  _ oh so very _ in love. That was what Minseok disliked,  _ hated _ if he was being honest with himself.

 It reminded him of when he had been one of them. And that hurt, so bad.

 Sipping on his coffee, Minseok watched the people walk by the little café he was sitting in, and without meaning to, his mind started to wander. It was not so strange, considering where he was, but had he noticed, he would have stopped himself. He did not like remembering.

 Had he thought twice about it, Minseok would have realized how stupid it was to have decided on this café, but when he had realized, it had already been too late, and the date scheduled. And what was he supposed to say - ‘sorry, but that’s the café me and my ex used to frequent back when we were dating, and also the café from which he bought the coffee that I then splashed all over his clothes when he told me-’

 Closing his eyes, Minseok swallowed and forced  _ those _ particular memories away. They were too painful.

 It had been close to a year now. Minseok still easily remembered the date, almost even the time, when it had all come crashing down. So sudden and unexpected, but at the same time not. Who was Kim Minseok to experience true love and then get to keep it? It hurt, but Minseok was not surprised. Everything had gone too smoothly, too good to be true, and it had ended up actually being too good to be true as well.

 But that was not what hurt the most, to be honest. No, it was the fact that  _ he _ seemed to be doing so well, making Minseok look like a desperate idiot with how horrible he was  _ still _ feeling. Not even only on whatever pictures that reached Minseok, but also in real life. Because of course life had to be a bitch, and of course Minseok’s decision a few years back to work with the division that handled the things related to China would come back to bite him in the ass.

 Back then, he had done it to be able to travel easier to and from China, a little way to show how serious he was about his ex. It helped Minseok get better at Chinese, and that meant that no matter what happened, Minseok would be fine, both if he ended up in South Korea or China. In the end, he had not been fully prepared for no matter what, and he was not fine. Especially not since he now was so specifically competent for the Chinese-side of things, and would have a hard time switching to another division, especially not since he had fought with his everything to climb as high as possible within his division. It meant that Minseok was the trusted one, and the one that was sent on nearly everything pertaining to China.

 And of course it meant that Minseok had to see  _ him _ , even if he did his very damn best to stay as far away as possible, even when they were forced into the same grand ballroom. Minseok made sure to keep his distance, but he still always found him in the crowd. It was as if Minseok’s eyes had mastered the art of finding his former lover no matter where they were, and Minseok had yet to learn how to turn that off. Not even when he was struck with pain over how easily his ex laughed along to something a girl said, or leaned down to let a girl whisper something in his ear, a soft smile on his lips. Minseok knew that he was expected to marry someone soon, so it was not that strange that he was entertaining different candidates, but it still hurt. So bad.

 Once upon a time, it was Minseok that had stood next to him. Minseok that had made him laugh, Minseok that had whispered in his ear and called forth that soft smile. Minseok that he had brought to a hotel room later, Minseok’s name that he had chanted as they both came undone. Only Minseok, but not anymore. No longer Minseok.

 It was so stupid, really, the whole situation. They had only been together for a few years, and maybe Minseok should have known. Relationships that start in your youth were not supposed to last, right? They had all the odds against them, right? But still, Minseok had gone right ahead and said those three words that he had previously been so scared of, filled with nothing but trust. Given his heart away, left himself completely open for the pain he thought he would not experience.

 One day, was what he had. One day of bliss and unimaginable happiness. One day where the reply had sounded so nice - but Minseok should have known better. He should have heard the excuse in them, how they not really were said as a ‘I love you’ back, but as a ‘I’m sorry’.

 Then the next day had arrived, and Minseok had gotten a coffee - his favorite one - and that was the first sign that pierced through the happy cloud in his mind. Then it was like a snowball, rolling down a hill and gathering more mass and speed as it continued down. His expression, his words, his excuses, his apologies - all culminating with Minseok’s coffee splashed across a freshly ironed perfectly white shirt.

 The end.

 Later, Minseok had learned that he had boarded the flight to China with his shirt still stained. As if it did not matter. A small lapse of judgement, a mistake, something to be discarded later when the opportunity arose. Minseok had never related more to a shirt than that very moment. It was almost funny, had it not been so sad.

 And now, here Minseok was, sitting with his new favorite coffee in his favorite coffee shop, waiting for someone. It had taken him a long time to be able to go to the café without curling up into his bed to cry his eyes out, and he could still not drink his former favorite coffee, but some progress had been made. But was it enough, really?

 The doorbell tinkled, and Minseok looked up to watch a man head inside, looking around before spotting Minseok, face lightening up in a smile. And Minseok felt so bad, because now he understood that he was not ready, and he was stringing someone along without meaning to, and that was not fair.

 “Hey, Minseok-ah! I hope you didn’t have to wait for long,” Daniel said as he took a seat, apologetically bowing his head.

 “No, I didn’t, I was just a bit early,” Minseok said, looking down at his coffee with a deep sigh. It was almost all empty, and so black. A bit like himself, Minseok mused. “Daniel-ah…”

 “Oh, this doesn’t sound good,” Daniel chuckled, but Minseok could hear the nervousness in his voice. He really had pulled this poor boy along for too long.

 “I… I don’t think this will work,” Minseok said, not able to look up. “I’ve realized some things, and I don’t think I’m ready for anything deeper. I’m sorry.”

 “Wait, Minseok-ah-” Daniel said as Minseok got up to leave, but Minseok did not stop. It was better this way. “Minseok-ah, please!”

 Minseok pushed out into the cold afternoon, ignoring Daniel behind him. He needed to get away, get out of there, and just  _ breathe _ . It was all becoming a bit too much, a bit too overwhelming, and Minseok needed to get away.

 He had tried  _ so _ hard to get over Luhan, done everything he could think of, but it was useless. The Chinese was still so deeply ingrained into him that Minseok did not know what to do anymore. He was helpless, stumped, completely clueless, and hurting so badly. It was not going away!

 Maybe… Maybe next year, Minseok could give his heart to someone special. Someone he could trust not to break it. But not this year. This year, that special someone was still the same as last year, and Minseok would not allow himself to make the mistake of giving his heart away to the same person twice in a row. He had given Luhan a chance, filled with so much trust and love, and Luhan had broken him almost beyond repair. And now, Minseok was left with all of his pieces to try to glue together in some shape, but it was obvious that he had not gotten even half as far as he had previously thought.

 Fuck Luhan and his little game. Fuck him for doing this to Minseok. Fuck him for giving Minseok so much hope, just to take it away a day later. What had he even gotten out of it?

 Minseok could still hear the words so vividly in his head, and he knew it would take him a long time to forget them. Maybe he never would. Luhan really had fucked him up bad.

_ No matter what, I’ll keep your heart with me. _

 They had sounded so sweet when he first said them, but now they just sounded like a curse. Because Luhan still had Minseok’s heart with him, no matter how much Minseok tried to pretend anything else.

 Minseok just wanted it back, just wanted all of his broken little pieces back, so he could return to some semblance of his former self...


End file.
